11 Reasons Why Dolphins Are Complete A$$holes. #2 Totally Proves It…

If you were ever an over-imaginative, sensitive, sea-loving child, you probably had one of those awesome and adorable paintings of a child playing with a dolphin under a rainbow stringed along into your room. And if you ever went to the seas, you probably even played with them. Oh! How adorable they are, with their cute whistles and love for playing! However, you only find them cute because you probably aren’t aware of the low and dirty secrets a dolphin holds. Read on to know more about each of them, and good luck liking dolphins after you read this article:

#11. Dolphins Rape The Females Of Their Species.

dolphin-bottlenose-aggressiveFlabbergasted, eh? Those cute little baby dolphins are probably the last thing you would imagine to grow up into giant, horny rapists. But the hard truth is, they do. Bottlenose dolphins are known to gang up on a female of their species, alienate her, then, violently mate with her for several weeks. Guess what? They have even got all the horrible rapist special effects. They make scaring noises, movements and inflict smacks upon her to keep her in line, and follow her down if she tries to run away! Poor little girl dolphin. Doesn’t she deserve a right to her body too?

#10. Horny Dolphins Don’t Mind Groping Humans.

Dolphins-on-humansIf that isn’t enough to give you the nightmares, here is another besmirching fact about dolphins: when retired actress Demi Moore was out visiting Las Vegas with her ex-husband, boyfriend and children, she visited the Siegried and Roy’s Secret Garden and Dolphin Habitat. There, apparently, a male dolphin took a serious liking to her, and even made sexual advances!

“Dolphins are very sexually aggressive, and one went after Demi in a big way”, says an onlooker. This isn’t the only one, take a look at this gross video of a scuba diver being sexually attacked by a dolphin:

#9. Dolphins Have Really Prehensile Penises.

Not only are dolphins psychologically overtly sexual, even their biology is crafted in a way to assist them. Prehensility refers to the feature of a body organ of being adept at grabbing or holding. Severely sexually aggressive creatures, therefore, have prehensile anuses that help grab on to the sexual organs of their partner and mate forcefully. Here is what Eric Lemonds says on

“A dolphin’s penis, when erect, is shaped vaguely like a hook, so when males copulate with females, the chance of them being accidentally separated is eliminated. Think of the penis as a key, and the female’s vagina is a lock. It’s meant for securing, not necessarily grabbing.”

Also, here is a really shocking video of a dolphin using a decapitated fish to masturbate. What is even gross is the idea that the reason humans find it so disgusting is really because dolphins, not unlike humans, use sexuality for pleasure:


#8. Dolphins Kill Baby Porpoises ‘Cause They Resemble Their Own.

Dolphins-Attack-Baby-PorpoisesSo what? They like sexuality. But that’s not just it. Dolphins aren’t just sexually aggressive creatures always looking to get laid, they are evil in a way you could have never expected. In Scotland’s East Coast and off the beaches of Virginia, baby porpoises washed up dead with horrifying internal injuries. Apparently, dolphins had been using echolocation and pulping techniques to internally damage and therefore kill baby porpoises as a sport!

#7. Dolphins Murder their Own Children To Mate With Their Mother.


It was later found that dolphins only kill baby porpoises because they have a tendency to look like baby dolphins. Meaning, the original intention of the dolphins weren’t to play kill creatures of other species, it was to murder their own babies! The locations mentioned in the above point were also known for washed up dead dolphins, with similar internal injuries and dolphin tooth marks on their bodies. Want to know why male dolphins kill their babies? It’s so that their female partners lose interest in the new-borns and mate with their males instead!

#6. Dolphins Can Go Without Sleep For Days


It’s not like they “never” sleep, but dolphins have an excellent ability to stay awake up to 5 long days, and that’s without the slightest loss of metal or physical strength. Wondering how they pull that off? The two halves of a dolphin’s brain can sleep in “shifts”, so that one part remains wake while the other is sleeping. This means a dolphin is always half awake, thus giving it the ability to last for days without the need for proper sleep.

#5. Dolphins Are The Ultimate Carnivores.

Yes, tearing apart your dolphin rainbow drawing already? Here’s another pearl of wisdom. Dolphins are not vegans or even vegetarians. They are cold-blooded, hungry meat-eaters. They hunt in packs for squid, small fishes and whatnot. And they don’t just kill for food, they are creative hunters who like to hunt “in style”. They invent new techniques and even hunt (although rarely) on land!

#4. Dolphins Enjoy Dominating Lesser Creatures


If you think sharks are the ferocious, murderous lot, dolphins are no less. They like playing around with weaker animals just for the hell of it. Mess with them and play to their hearts’ content, then throw them away like a worn-out toy. For instance, officers at the Florida Research Centre have found out that when they are bored with real volleyballs, dolphins play shark volleyball. That is literally using a baby shark as a volleyball. Now I will agree that sharks are no saints either. But screwing around with a baby? That’s not nice, is it?

#3. Dolphins Are Storehouses of Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

Dolphins-STDWhile you will probably never choose a dolphin as a life partner, a British woman of 41 years actually married a dolphin named Cindy in a ceremony in Israel. They shared a kiss and became partners forever after, after a 12-year-­long relationship. Now all that sounds good and cute, but here’s why that was probably not a great idea: Dolphins are bags of sexual disease, known to transfer a wide array of STDs into their partners. If your little girl is thinking of marrying a dolphin when she grows up, watch out!

#2. Dolphins Engage In Recreational Drug Abuse.


If you used to think that only humans can get addicted to stuff, be prepared to change that view. This one weird video shows a group on dolphins getting high on neurotoxins secreted by puffer fish. As a defense mechanism, the puffer fish release this neurotoxin to deflect its hunters. In high doses, the stuff can kill, but in lower doses, it works as recreational dope. Exactly what the dolphins seem to be enjoying over there:

Note that this isn’t just innocent dolphins falling prey to puffer fish secretion. They purposely attack this species to get high on their secretions!

#1. Dolphins Engage in Sick Nasal Sexuality.

Apparently, dolphins enjoy inserting their male sexual organ into the blowholes of other dolphins, making this the world’s only instance of “nasal sexuality”. God! I don’t know about you, but I am definitely not sleeping tonight after writing this stuff! Aggressive sexuality is mostly noted in bottlenose dolphins, who are famous for being extra horny.

Okay. So dolphin-lovers are obviously gonna get angry. Also, the behavior of a few misbehaved creatures doesn’t represent an entire species. However, truth is, it is the increased intelligence in dolphins that has led to them being engaged in all sorts of strange activity. More intelligence = more complexity. Yeah? 🙂

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Written by MD Admin

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